Active Listening

Active listening establishes trust and builds rapport between two people. It demonstrates interest in another person, enables the expression of empathy, curiosity, and care, and elicits thoughts and ideas that might otherwise be left unsaid. Active listening creates a safe space for your mentee to be fully present and take risks to grow.  It takes concentration, determination, patience, and practice. 

Active listening means:

• Using non-verbal cues (nodding, leaning in, and eye contact).

• Uttering brief affirmations (“yes,” “right,” or “I see”).

• Asking follow-up, open-ended questions to promote introspection and draw out information. 

• Observing body language and mood to guide questions and timing of responses.

• Choosing specific questions to focus or redirect conversation.

• Being sensitive to when and how much it is appropriate to share your own personal experience.

• Allowing for silent pauses to provide the opportunity to reflect.

• Summarizing and repeating back what you heard and asking if that is correct.

Active listening is NOT about:

• Disconnecting from the conversation or getting caught up in your own thoughts or emotions. 

• Thinking about what you will say next or jumping in with a similar story or to complete sentences. 

• Expressing disapproval or judgment or trying to talk your mentee out of feelings.

Probing Questions

The use of probing questions keeps the focus of your conversation on your mentee’s thought process. These questions are thoughtful, inquisitive, and neutral.  They do not suggest a direction or lead to a conclusion.  They are designed to enable the speaker to think more deeply and critically about a situation, interaction, idea, goal, or feeling. 

Probing questions often start with:

• “What do you think might be…”

• “How would you…”

• “Can you say more about…”

• “Is there anything else that could contribute to…”

Delivering and Receiving Feedback

Learning to deliver feedback effectively and constructively to your mentee and to receive feedback graciously and openly from your mentee helps build trust and connection, and significantly contributes to successful mentoring and mentee growth. Pay close attention to when and how to communicate with your mentee, listen carefully to tone, and observe body language to guide you. Be receptive to your mentee seeking clarification of your communications, disagreeing with your perspective, and offering alternative approaches. Cultivate hope, progress, and positivity.

Learn from your mentee how best to help your mentee:

• Be clear on the purpose of the feedback, go slowly, and take note of reactions.

• Evaluate if your mentee seems hard wired to have a positive attitude (more likely to hear feedback) or not, and tailor your approach accordingly.

• Feedback delivered with good intentions may not be received as such if the receiver is unable to understand or if you trigger a strong emotional response – alter your course, as necessary.

• Consider various approaches with your mentee and choose one that is most supportive.